my faith journey.

I have always believed in God. One of my first memories as a child is praying with my ma in her bedroom, on my knees, hands together with the sunlight pouring through the window asking Jesus into my heart.

I grew up in a Christian family, where saying grace and going to church was normal. And even though I didn’t spend much time with God in my twenties, I know it was my childhood that built my biblical foundations.

When I was first diagnosed with the Myasthenia Gravis, I struggled a lot with the condition but didn’t fear death. I had much prayer leading up to the first surgery and there were times I really connected with God and felt his presence. I learned to trust him, and to talk to him more. And as the years went on, that time become a distant memory – one I was grateful for, and also happy to forget.

Pregnant with Pepe, I was talking to God more and more due to the predicted complications with the pregnancy (from the paediatrician), so I was praying all the time for a healthy baby.

Ugandan pastor Jackson Senyonga once commented “You in America are not desperate enough. You are addicted to a spirit of ease and comfort”. Sometimes, being privileged can be a disadvantage in connecting with God and I know that it has always been during my times of desperation that I have sought him with all my heart.

When I was diagnosed with the cancer, for the first time in my life I was forced to think about death and what happens to me when I die. Not many people are confronted with that. For months, thoughts of death were daily. Who would talk at my funeral? Who would dress me? Where would my husband bury me? How would Pepe grow up without me? It was a really strange time. I was surrounded by people and surrounded with love and yet I felt completely alone.

Most days I felt like I was in a room full of thick clouds or fog. It was hard to breathe, and the fear was overwhelming. During these months I kept praying and praying, surrounding myself with worship music and people who also stood in faith with us. God’s presence was with me ALL THE TIME and the fear moments became less frequent and more manageable. I kept a journal of all the little (and big) miracles that happened and whenever I got scared or down I would open this up to remind me of God’s goodness and power.

It was during this time I received the same bible verse over and over again which gave me hope, “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Read blog post here). God was talking to me through this verse, giving me hope and his word that I had a future. He also gave Vern a vision / dream of me sharing testimony and I was completely well.

I was taking regular communion at home and speaking biblical declarations over my healing and over my body. The communion was an integral step in accepting that Jesus had already died for my healing, wholeness and prosperity, and the biblical declarations commanded my body to align to this.

I won’t lie, it didn’t happen like clockwork.

While I knew in my heart God would provide a way, my body still had to go through some horrible stuff - which at the time screamed the opposite of healing. When the Myasthenia Gravis played up; when the cancer grew a bit; when I was in ICU on deaths door; these were all times when faith was really difficult to hold on to. Thank God for his strength, and during these times I was surrounded by people who would encourage and pray for me. There is a story in the bible about Moses growing wearing during a battle and Aaron and Hur held up his arms until they won. This is how I got through - with the support of my husband, our family and friends, and our churches.

While I didn’t get the instantaneous miracle at first (of the cancer disappearing within the first week), I received sooo many miracles along the way. I realise now that miracles come in many different forms. For example, I ended up with the only neurologist in New Zealand who was doing ketogenic trials in neurological disorders! For 2 ½ years the cancer didn’t increase (more than its original size) which I attribute to keto and fasting. Then, sometime between June and October 2019 it shrunk by about 95% (see here for the medical case). There isn’t a clear medical explanation as to how it shrunk - I count that as my miracle. I think when we could do no more in the natural, God stepped in. But also, the two paths (medical and spiritual) were not exclusive to each other - God had his hand in it all.

A shipwrecked man at sea was praying to God for help. A speedboat passed and the driver said to the man "Jump in, I can save you." The man replied, "No, it's ok, God will save me!”

Soon after, a fishing boat came by and the captain yelled out, "Jump in, I can save you!" The man replied, "No thanks, God will save me!” So the boat continued on.

Then a helicopter came, and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety." To this the man again replied, "No thanks, God will save me!” and the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the man drowned. When he arrived in heaven he said to God, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, I don't understand why!"

God replied, "I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you want?!!"

When the cancer grew a bit the following year, I had to again battle fear and confusion. But I serve a mighty and faithful God, and I know He doesn’t leave things half done. He also continues to strengthen my faith and makes this journey one of learning and endurance and faithfulness and gratitude. So I will prepare, and walk towards His promise of full healing - that means, I will continue to do what I can (metabolic therapy) until my body aligns to His word.

I have a couple of churches that I call home, and other ones around the country who have really supported us throughout our journey. All house the presence of God, and if you are looking for a place to meet God, or grow in faith, I suggest one of these (they do facebook live too).

• Advance Church Taupo (our home church)
  7 Manuka Street, Taupo. Sunday experience at 10am
  advancechurch.co.nz

• Every Nation Church Christchurch (home church in Christchurch)
  42 Lochee Road, Riccarton, Christchurch. Sunday service at 10am
  everynation.org.nz

• Living Waters Church Christchurch
  13 Meeking Place, Haswell, Christchurch
  www.lwcc.org.nz

• Celebration Centre Christchurch
  8061/81 Bickerton Street, Wainoni, Christchurch. Sunday service at 10am
  celebrationcentre.com