Words Have Power

One of the most important decisions I ever made was to say to my oncologist “Don’t give me a time”. We knew the prognosis was bad, but I didn’t need (and couldn’t handle) someone telling me my life expectancy. I believe in God and I believe all our days are numbered by Him. Oncologists give an educated guess based on experience, but if I was to walk by faith and aim for a miracle, I needed my entire mind to be clear from doubt. It was hard enough not succumbing to my own fears and imagination. I think a ‘time’ would have subconsciously rocked my inner peace.  

From the beginning we knew that I needed to surround myself with positivity, and people who believed what I was doing was possible. Thankfully, my family were all so supportive. I could see their fear, especially when I told them I wasn’t doing chemo, but they supported me none-the-less. And it was so important having them all on our journey with us.

Others however, were not so supportive. And through choosing a therapy which was not recognised by mainstream medicine meant we came up against a lot of scepticism, ridicule, and doubt.

I dreaded trips to the hospital for my Myasthenia Gravis as my care was always overshadowed by my diet. I was referred to many dieticians, and every time felt their judgement over my therapy path. Quite often I would leave distraught, having to justify my choices and explain that my situation was not due to me having an eating disorder. Doctors continually changed their demeanour with me when they heard about my chosen therapy, and their confusion would always turn into disapproval or concern.

My oncologist, a very caring man, did not at all approve or believe in keto or fasting. I completely understand why, and he must come up with patients all the time trying to do new fads, unsuccessfully. But every visit I still tried to convince him that I was different; that I would live; that this would work. And after every visit I would go into the car and cry because he didn’t believe me and his opinion mattered so much to me.

I heard a doctor once in Waikato Hospital speaking to a colleague and he referred to Matt (my neurologist) as the ‘crazy keto doctor’. I have so much respect for Matt, thinking about the lack of support he would have received for years amongst his peers. (My last visit to Waikato Hospital I must mention, was incredible. Dieticians, doctors and nurses were all hugely supportive, and I know Matt’s humble perseverance has encouraged this change.)

In my quest for a holistic approach to healing, I also opened myself up once to a man who asked me if I felt God created my cancer and when I answered no, he asked “Why not? Don’t you think God created everything?” He said, once I identified what I had done, and dealt with it from within, I would be healed. I only went to this guy to have my back cracked, but there are people all around who will take advantage and affect us in unwelcome ways. I told him he was out of line and left straight away but his words rattled me, and it took me a good week to get his lies out of my mind.

When I was in ICU Vern was told to bring in the kids and the family so they could say goodbye to me. Vern had the hardest decision to say no. He told me after, “I thought, here you were fighting for your life. I wasn’t going to do that to you.” He made such a huge decision right then – he chose to ignore opinion and keep with our faith. As hard as it was to see at that moment, he managed to filter out what would be detrimental to me, to us.

It’s not always easy to dismiss beliefs that don’t align to our own, but it is necessary. I had fifty doctors against the one. Two and a half years of opinions telling us we were wrong. It became common practice for us to say “No, I choose not to believe that”.  Because what we allow into our thoughts can shape our own opinions and actions. That is why we need to use discernment all the time of what we choose to let in.

Stumble in fear and doubt, or be led by courage and faith.